i was just up to my mum’s waist and i was holding her hand...

As far as i can remember, i have always had a very high standard of “happiness”… a standard that i have yet to meet or find in the past few months...

I tried hard this morning to remember when the last time was when i was just plain and simple ‘happy’, and my memories took me back to one fine morning a long long time ago... i can’t really remember what day it was, or even what year it was but i can remember the ‘scene’... it was very early, the sun wasn’t out yet, my mum had me dressed for school and we were walking down the street in front of our house to the end of it where there was a kuih-muih stand... then, i was happy, i was content... i remember i was just up to my mum’s waist and i was holding her hand... oh how i wish i could go back to that day... or those days... when life was simple and mummy did everything for me... =)

The mornings we’re pretty much the same, i can remember gobbling down a bowl of cornflakes for example... every morning if my parents had bought a box of cornflakes, my brother and i had a bowl of it set on the table awaiting us and a cup of milo each that my mum would pour onto my cornflakes and my brother would do his himself... i remember being jealous that he could do it on his own... =)

That was a time when i could remember being content... i guess for me, happiness is something that i value in terms of quantity versus quality... as in, i guess i would rather be content every single day than have a chance of being very happy at one moment, coupled with the risk of being heartbroken the next... very much like i’ve been for the past seven months here in Bordeaux...

Sometimes i wish i never came here... never met the people i met, never known the things i know... never had the feelings i have... but all this is a part of life isn’t it? As we grow older, we realise that life isn’t just as simple as it once was...

-adriano-